Guilt And Regrets
by EternallyEC
Summary: Did Raoul ever feel guilty? FIN; 1-Shot


**Title: **Guilt and Regrets

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing POTO-related!

**Summary:** Did Raoul ever feel guilty? (From his POV) 

**Author's Note: **This is more Gaston friendly than anything else.

**Author's Note2: **I'm really bored and have nothing to do, so I decided to write down this idea. It came to me yesterday at work and has been bugging me ever since. Enjoy!

**Author's Note3: **Once again, I re-wrote an itty-bitty part of the lyrics. It's the "pleading eyes" part. (Again) I guess I really like that line!

As I lay in bed, holding my wife in my arms, the doubts once again begin to flood my mind. _Is this truly what Christine wanted? Did I have any right to take her away from Erik? _I gaze down on my sleeping wife, who is singing softly under her breath. I lean closer to hear the words, and they just serve to confirm my doubts.

_/The Phantom of the Opera is there _

_Inside my mind…/_

I silently curse myself. Why must I put myself through this, night after night? It's been this way ever since that night we left Erik alone in his lair… I know that Christine hates herself for betraying him, and sometimes I wonder if I should hate myself for getting in their way… I always try to push those thoughts out of my mind, but it's hard.

Christine has been my wife for ten years, and given me two beautiful children (twins) whom we both adore. And yet there are moments like now, when I'll come upon her singing one of their songs or just looking wistfully out of the window that faces where the Opera House used to be. In these moments, if she has not noticed my entrance, I will just quietly leave her to her remembrances. If she has noticed, however, I will simply take her hand in mine and squeeze it gently before leaving.

I gently slide Christine out of my arms, onto her side of the bed, and rise to my feet, making my way over to the window. I gaze out into the cool night, just thinking and wondering. What had become of Erik? Where was he now, at this very moment? Suddenly I felt the eerie feeling of being watched.

Then I looked down and I saw him. He was standing at the very edge of the yard, gazing up at our window. When he saw me looking, he tipped his hat and disappeared with a swish of his cloak. Eight or nine years ago, I would have grabbed my sword and chased after him. But I had matured and understood why Erik was there. This was, quite possibly, his only source of comfort now. I felt a deep sadness for him. I couldn't imagine being always on the outside, looking in. It would drive me insane to watch the woman I loved, knowing that I would never speak to her; never look upon her face closely again.

I began to sob softly, just trying to imagine the sense of despair and loneliness I knew Erik had to feel. Suddenly I felt Christine's arms slip around my waist. "What's wrong, my love?" I turned to her, but she continued before I could reply. "You saw him, didn't you?" I nodded. "How long has he been watching you?" I asked. She stared out of the window for a moment before replying. "The first time I noticed him watching me was about two months after our wedding. He's never tried to contact me directly."

Erik had been watching Christine for almost ten years? And yet he hadn't even tried to speak to her? I would never have that kind of willpower. For the first time, I realized how selfish I had always been. I had taken the only person Erik had ever loved, when I could have had any woman I wanted. Softly, Christine began to sing.

_/Those pleading eyes_

_That both love and adore…/_

I leaned down and gently kissed Christine. "My love, go to him." Her eyes widened with shock. "What?" "If you want to be with him, go. You may return if you wish, or you may stay with him. I just want you to be happy." She reached up and gently caressed my cheek. "I couldn't leave the children." "Then return in the morning." I knew she was considering when I saw her begin to chew her bottom lip. Finally, she pulled me into a desperate kiss, and I knew that she would never again be mine. "I shall return by morning," she said as she quickly dressed.

I nodded, showing her that I understood. She hurriedly pulled on her boots and cloak, then headed to the door. There she stopped for a moment and looked at me for a long moment before continuing. As the door clicked shut behind her, I heard her clear, sweet voice singing.

_/We've passed the point of no return /_

Indeed we had. And yet, I felt very little sadness. I knew that I had lost Christine as a true wife, but she would remain by my side at least until the children had grown. Several years with my best friend would be well worth losing her once the children left. I lay back down and fell into a sound sleep for the first time in ten years…

**EPILOGUE (Christine's POV)**

**A/N4: I changed it where Raoul died before Christine here. :)**

Erik and I stood side by side for the first time in public at my husband's funeral. My children, Raoul Jr. and Meg were now the same age I had been when the events at the Opera House had taken place. They had both known about Erik since they had become of age, so they were not surprised to see him at the cemetery.

I had borne Erik two children before Raoul had died. They were twins, whom we named Erik and Erika. They were now ten years of age, much too young to question why they had two fathers. I held Erika's hand and Erik held Erik Jr.'s hand.

As the priest finished the text, I felt a solitary tear slide down my cheek when I saw my dear friend and husband lying in the coffin. And lying next to his head was a single red rose, with a black ribbon around its' stem. I smiled at Erik. I knew he had always been jealous that I had stayed with Raoul until the children were old enough to understand, and yet he made this gesture to tell me he understood. Oh, how I loved him!

After the funeral, everyone went back to the de Chagny mansion to have supper, and then everyone left, giving us their condolences. When the last mourner finally left, Erik and I put the children to bed and then sat up in the sitting room and sipped white wine, just talking about the future. As Erik and I shared a sweet kiss, I said a silent prayer of thanks for Raoul's moment of clarity so many years before…

**THE END**


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